I guess its about time

To actually make some goals for the year... well I'm going to do things a little different this time around, I'm going to make 3 or 4 new goals each quarter instead of 10 goals in January that I'm most likely to not keep... anyways so here are my 1st quarter goals. (Can you tell I started working in the logistics/operations department?)

Goals:

1. Go to church (at least 3 times a month)

2. Stick to this new 'Insanity' workout.. its only 60 days how hard can that be right??

3. Start being proud of my photography, I'm really not that bad! (And start getting my name out there like I should have done 2 years ago!)

4. Be the best support I can be for Kasey until he gets home. Stop giving him the idea of going AWOL and just suck it up and make it easier for him to be away.

5. Limit my soda intake to once a week if that!! Along with that, limit my eating out to once a week, or maybe once every two weeks! Its killing my budget! (and its not really helping my waist either)

Ok so there they are my first 5 goals for the 1st quarter of 2010! Feel free to ask my how my goals are going!! I'll feel more obligated to stick with them if people are asking about it! And I know for some people those don't sound like hard goals but to me they are!! Oddly enough I think I'll probably have the hardest time with number 3... uh self confidence where did you go???

When did this all happen?

Growing up I never had a problem with my weight. I was always slim.. mostly athletic. I played soccer, ran track and was an avid dancer. Things I still love to do, or at least I thought I did. Over the last um... 4 years? I've put on almost enough weight to make two of what I used to be! Thankfully I wasn't very big to start with or this could be a HUGE problem!! Anyways, I used to love to work out, I would do it all the time just for fun and lately well... all I want to do is sit around. I have the urge to go and do all this stuff and to go running or hiking or whatever else but then I never do it. I'll get my workout clothes on and be headed to the gym and before I know it it's been 2 hours of me doing nothing and then I don't want to go anymore... I have a goal, I want to be at my goal, I look in the mirror and feel motivated but I guess I'm really not because for some reason unknown to me, I don't do it. I've become... LAZY! :( I need friends willing to come down where I live and hang out. I hate when I get the whole 'Mapleton is so far away, you should come up here' um.. do you not realize that means I have to drive up north every time we hang out?!?! Its just as far from me to go there and back as it is for you to come here and go back so can't we switch off? I"m still working on making some new years resolutions and as soon as I get that done I'll post them, I just can't justify making goals I know I wont keep so I'm trying to find things that I really want to do this year, not just things that sound good. That way hopefully I'll be more willing to actually keep my promise to myself! Until then I'll be working on becoming un-lazy. And no that doesn't count as a goal.

Church...

Is a really funny thing. More so, funny things happen while your at church! Today before we even got through the opening statements the fire alarm went off. We were half way through the opening song and everyone kept half way singing not really sure what to do while the bishop went running off the stage. Finally the lights stopped flashing and the bishop returned to let us all know it was a false alarm. I'm sure some little kid acting on a dare :) The other thing that kept me laughing the entire first hour of church was the little girl sitting in front of my family. She had to be about 4 maybe 5 and was super cute! She kept turning around and glaring at my brother out of nowhere, when I looked she turned her glare towards me! I tried really hard to mock her facial expression and she had to turn away very quickly trying to hide the smile that quickly came over her face! She kept this game up with my brother the entire hour and it was absolutely priceless!

Today

I am having an awkward situation... People need to learn to close the doors when they are having a meeting!!!!

The Checklist...

Have you ever realized how many things you 'need' to do to get married??? The checklist is about 300 items long! Sadly all I really need to do is take Kasey to the courthouse with some close family and friends and 50 bucks and 10 mins later we'd be Mr & Mrs Kasey Fackrell. So why can't I do that?? Are you crazy, have you lost your mind?!?!? I need (well want) the flowers the pictures the dress and lets not forget the romance or the memories!! So for starters here is a


CHECKLIST
-decide what my 'dream wedding' really is
-lose 30lbs
-find lots of money to pay for the venue (and everything else for that matter)
-compile a guest list (and somehow manage to get addresses for everyone)
-design a cake and flowers for the 'big day'
-remember all the details
-find a photographer (a lot harder than it seems!!!)
-look amazing in my dress
-avoid having things look 'cheap' and still stick to a budget
-do everything humanly possible to avoid becoming BRIDEZILLA!!!
-think of all the other things that need to be on the checklist...

Once a month...

I blog, well sometimes more than that! I keep telling my self I need to blog and then I realize the only things I want to talk about are probably really boring to everyone else and so I don't say anything. I've always thought that I must be a really annoying person. I talk A LOT and I'm loud. I do listen really well but if no one else is talking I will, and I LOVE to chat with people... so therefore I must be annoying right? I catch myself randomly stopping a conversation or leaving a room because I realize that I'm annoying myself so I must be annoying everyone else around me as well. It's weird I know.. but just something I've always felt. Anyways... Kasey is coming home in 10 1/2 days and I can't wait!! We are going to spend Christmas morning with his family at his Grandmas house and then that afternoon we are getting in the car and driving to California to spend Christmas night and the day after with all of my family! Its going to be wonderful! I'm sure he's going to want to die because I plan on playing Christmas carols most of the way there even though he thinks they are 'annoying' maybe he just hasn't heard the right ones?
On a totally different note, the last few months I've been really down on my 'photography skills' if you can call them that. I look at what I want to be and where I want my level of skill to be, and I am no where close, not even with in reach and its so frustrating. I am sadly envyious (even though I know I shouldn't be) of stay at home moms or similar people that don't have to work a 8-5 job everyday just to pay the bills and can go take pictures whenever they want of whatever they choose and improve their skills to perfection. I sit in an office all day and when I get done I'm so tired from the day of stress I just want to relax, and worse in the winter by the time I leave work its to dark to take pictures or to cold! I think all the time 'if I didn't have to work I could take pictures all day long...' or 'well its no wonder they are getting so much better than they used to be, thats all they do is take pictures whenever they want. They don't have to work all day' these are REALLY bad thoughts, they are just excuses for me to.. more or less lack in skill. This is a double sided blade, because the more I think my skills are failing the less motivated I am to take pictures, then I get 'lazy' I don't want to set up the shots, I only want to take pictures of certain things, I don't want to use a tripod even if I should and I most certainly do NOT want to set my lighting and shutter speeds etc. so instead I turn the camera to Auto and go from there. The problem with that is then I have to edit my photos :( which I am not a huge fan of having to do major edits! I prefer to set up my shots and have just minor adjustments to make. So since I'm getting married and I have been looking for a photographer to shoot my wedding day pictures and although it is YES 100% one of the most difficult decisions that I think I will ever have to make in my life, it has also been a HUUUUUGE eye opener that even though I may not be at the level which I would like to be, I am good at what I do, and I do have a talent and I am not the worst photographer in the world like I have been thinking lately. Better yet I just need to find my passion again, and more so my confidence! I just am in complete shock at what some people will call 'Professional Photography' I'm sorry but having a really nice camera and taking a few pictures with it does NOT make you a Professional, nor does really weird edits that you think are 'cool' in photoshop. One of the things I learned while studying photography at the Y is that no matter how long you've been taking pictures and how much you 'know' things are always changing and you can always learn more. So after the holidays I've got a few classes I'm going to take from different photogs to help me find my 'passion' again.... that's the goal anyway!

Today I will FINALLY blog :)

So, its been awhile since I've done a REAL blog post... lets catch up shall we?? Today makes my 1 week of being engaged! Crazy huh!?! Ya tell me about! I'm SO SO SO excited! I'll get to that story in a minute but first, I had a friend ask about how Kasey and I actually got together and I told her I'd blog it... which I've failed to do until NOW! YAY for me remembering to do something :) (oh and I'm feeling like a narrator from a really bad movie today just as a heads up) anyways Kasey and I started dating back in February but our story does not begin there, lets go back in time to 1997... It was a time for awkward phases, weird teeth (for my age anyway) and finally starting to get some good fashion back after the awful setback the nation had in the 80's and early 90's. This was my 8th grade year of Jr High School. I was a Falcon and I had more confidence that I should have. Finally not being a lowly 7th grader I thought I had it made! I was loving my friends, my teacher and ya even my classes. I was never a nerd but I always did enjoy school, I think mostly for the social scene but either way I normally was excited to go back to school because by the end of summer I was pretty bored no matter how much I had done. Anyways on to the interesting stuff! I was a semi drama geek and had class after lunch so I was normally there a little early. That's where I first saw him. The 'bad boy' that stole my heart. His name.. Kasey Michael Fackrell. Plain and simple I had one of the biggest crushes of my life! Thankfully I was quite the outgoing kid (even though now I'm kind of shy sometimes) I went right up and talked to him and from then on I was 'in love' well as much as I could be at 13. Nothing more than a friendship ever developed though, and I was stuck day dreaming about what it would be like if we 'dated' I tried everything I could to woo him and nothing worked. I guess I was just to much of a goodie for him, that or it could have been my REALLY bad hair cut! I was pretty cunning though and was able to get a picture of him

Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?? Anyways... I remember seeing him at the end of that year at 7 peaks when all the 8th and 7th graders got to go for school, and he was with this girl, (that I was friends with) and I was SO upset!! I told my best friend and we talked about how stupid it was, and even though he did come and give me a hug in his swim shorts... (and yes I still remember the hug, he was soaking wet from the water slide and I was dry and afterward my front side was dripping....)I wanted more than a hug... My 8th grade year ended with me putting little pink hearts around his picture in the yearbook and dealing with reality. I watched him date this girl in high school and yes I was still jealous, WHY did he have to keep dating people I was friends with and not me?!? Please keep in mind I did not sit around and mope about him my whole life. I did date other boys and had a great time in school I met 'the one' twice. One of which I'm sure you're all very aware of and who is still one of my closest friends. Kasey left Orem High and went else where and all I knew at the time was he wasn't coming to school anymore. I was so sad, but we kept in touch mostly over the phone and email, but he was always someone that I made an effort to talk to. I got engaged and Kasey joined the ARMY so we didn't really talk much. I did send him a few emails via myspace and when he came home to visit I made sure to call him and see him. I remember one time when Ty and I were on a 'break' and Kasey was in town, as I was leaving my apartment I was thinking... "ok Ashlee this is it, you're going to kiss him tonight" but when I saw him I couldn't do it. The timing was SO off... Kasey was home for his Grandpa's funeral and Kasey and his grandpa were best friends, and he was in no mood for kissing, and when I saw how devastated he was, I wasn't either. So it was ice cream and a hug! He went back to KS and I went back to Tyler. I got a call from him one day telling me he was getting deployed to Iraq in the fall but that he would be home for a few days before and we were going to hang out I was SO excited! Until I got another call that he was going to stand me up because him and his buddies were going to Vegas instead! But as things happened he was shipped off to Iraq and I was coming to an end with Tyler (which is a ENTIRE story of its own) I still sent him emails and we talked. I got his APO and was getting a package ready to send to him, at the same time I finally added him to my Yahoo messenger contact list in the beginning of January and we started talking every single day online. The timing was actually perfect, he would be getting ready for bed and I was at work so we were able to chat for a few hours every day. It was pure heaven! I instantly fell back in love with him and it was just our luck that he was coming home for his mid-tour leave in February. Everything was perfect and we decided to become a couple. Everyone thought I was crazy for wanting to exclusively date someone that was in Iraq, but I knew that it wouldn't matter if he were here or 7000 miles away my feelings for him would not change so what was the point of pretending and going on meaningless dates? I'm not going to say having him in Iraq was easy because it wasn't, I had breakdowns ALL of the time and Kasey was there for me, he put up with my mood swings, my tears, my screaming... all of it, and he never complained... he just told me he loved me! I think that brings us almost up to date! (if not you can read my previous posts about him to catch yourself up) October 3rd was the best day of my life (so far) Kasey was home from Iraq and Annie and I had driven out to welcome him home! It was our first kiss our first hug our first time holding hands and gazing into each others eyes all over again. It had been almost 8 months since we'd last seen each other or kissed each other, it felt new again and it was finally our turn to be happy. Last Thursday I took the day off work to spend some time with him since he was only in town for a couple of weeks and had to leave on Sunday. We went to lunch with some of my friends and then decided to head up to Wendover for a day trip to get some cash since he had gone on Tuesday and didn't do so well, he wanted to make some money back. Kasey must know me pretty well because as we were driving he asked me if I wanted to write my name in the salt flats with rocks. (If you've never seen the salt flats in real life you will have NO CLUE why he would ask this but see the picture below and then visit the flats!) Anyways of course I wanted to, I thought that was the coolest thing ever and I've always wanted to stop but never have. But he kept driving and when I asked him about it he said he just wanted to find a place with alot of rocks, we finally pulled over and got out, Kasey had been driving so I made it to out of the car first and when I looked at the salt there were already words written in the sand that said 'Marry Me' I turned around to tell him (and half thinking what a weird coincidence) but when I turned around there he was with my ring! Shock went through me because I thought for sure he was going to ask me at new years I walked over to him and the little opened box and honestly I don't remember what I said... it was either Yes or Of Course but you'd have to ask him! I was shaking even though he thinks I was just cold. We kissed and then he put the perfect ring on my finger and we kissed again :) We still went to Wendover and hung out for a few hours, I called and text everyone I could think of let them know and that was that. It was perfect! So now it's on to planning the big day..... :)

PS- Sorry for the extremely long post!